.What I Know For Sure.

10/8/09

We all have moments where what we want we cannot have. I was there Tuesday. A woman ran the red light--I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. You know that saying--when it rains it pours...well, I think my storm added some hail at that moment.

I know I got out of my car and in the middle of shaking, dialed 911...and after I hung up, I remember scrolling through my phone and finding Chris and realizing he wouldn't be there to pick up this time. The other driver called her husband...he was there in minutes--I envied her in that moment. Here I was, fighting for myself and she had him there to help her through it. Here I am...fighting every day and the one thing I want, I just can't have.

You know those moments where everyone is around you but you still feel alone and empty....this isn't something just I know--we all have that feeling at some point or another. Yet, there I was, just trying to distract myself long enough to think that this could have been much worse. Hard part is that when you are at your lowest, it feels like getting sucker punched again....and everything you thought you had done to put the pieces back together suddenly feel sad and pathetic....and, again, you have to bravely face your own sadness and fears long enough to get your head above water and choose to just keep swimming.

And, in all of that....there is this light inside of yourself that reminds you of what you know for sure:

*There are unexpected people who come when you need them the most...and they stay
*There are those who have always been there who hold you when you cry...take care of you...make you laugh...and try to remind you that they still need you just as much as you need them
*There are hard days and there are harder days...but someday, out of the blue, there will be a day when you truly believe you will not be sad forever.
*That sometimes you just have to trust in what you cannot see.....and it's called taking a leap of faith....only the brave jump.
*That you never know how strong you are until the choice is no longer yours to make
*That you will cry and you will laugh and you will smile and you will frown.
*Dreams are not interchangable....sometimes you have to make new ones, even when you don't want to.
*Maybe, when you least expect it, your heart grows....and makes room for self-discovery and creates a soft spot.....for hope to nourish you when you're unsure of where the pieces go.
*And most of all, love is endless....it doesn't just go away.....but it is the very thing that will heal this broken heart...