.Hard Days.

8/11/09

today i miss you. more than anything. it hurts to breathe. i can't stop crying. i just miss you.

i miss our life. the life we built that we thought no one could destroy. i walk in our door every day and i see our life....what's left of it. all the responsibility that i just don't want to deal with.

i miss your laugh. it was the best laugh. it came from your heart...deep down. gosh, you laughed so much and your eyes lit up when you were smiling....i miss those eyes that i could stare into forever and know i was safe.

i miss your hugs....the ones where you'd hold on for what seemed like forever and i'd look at you and ask why you were still holding on and you told me it was because you missed me when i wasn't there. i miss you. i miss holding you too.

i miss falling asleep with you. all of our conversations. about everything and nothing. you made me feel better about everything i ever worried about or wanted or was unsure of. you made this world feel easier....like it wasn't really as bad as people thought.

i miss how you'd get upset when i didn't put my dishes away or if i left it in the sink.

i miss how you'd get mad when my shoes were out....and jon's. i'd give anything to have you yell at me about my shoes again.

i miss all our texts we'd send throughout the day and how you'd call me on your lunch just to say hi. i miss just saying hi. you took so much pride in being my husband and doing your best to be everything i ever needed and wanted. you were amazing....i'm sorry i didn't tell you that enough. you are the most amazing husband.

i miss how you'd always drive...especially at night. i hate that now you aren't here to take the keys. i hate that i grab my keys and half expect you to take them from me....so you could take me home. please, just come and take me home.

i miss your singing. you have the most beautiful voice. i always prided us on that....that our children would someday be blessed with a great voice because they'd have you.

i miss the future we just started making.

i miss our dreams

i miss myself. we were so much a part of each other. our love ran deep. now there is half of me that is missing......because i know i will never again have you in this world.

i miss my best friend. you understood everything about me. everything. you never expected or asked for anything. you just loved me.

i miss you. everything about you. your lists...your organization...your hair...your kisses...your toes...your hands...your love...your jokes...your stability...your enthusiasm...your passion...your heart. i just miss you....today more than yesterday and still less than tomorrow

i love you from here to the moon