.Remember To Breathe.

One of my patients was grumbling about their pain today when another said to her, "They say that pain is how we know we're alive." I thought about that....for a long time....and you know what--breathing, that's how I knew I was alive. Sometimes I would watch my chest rise and fall and every once in a while I'd take in a deep, hard breath, and I'd do it over and over until I was able to get through the moments that felt like they would kill me. Pain and breathing....that's how I measured my "alive-ness."

If I paid attention to my breathing, I knew it was a bad day.....if I spent a day where it was natural, I didn't notice the pain so much it still was always with me, just like breathing, but it became second nature at times.

It has been a year and breathing has, most of the time, become natural again....but I still count my breaths on the moments that seem like years...and I still remember those pick-myself-off-the-floor-moments where it was all I could do to breathe through the deep cries to God for help and patience and understanding and most of all, acceptance and comfort. Yep--those were some ugly days.

In the same breath (no pun intended) I can tell you handfulls of beautiful days where I wanted to stop breathing for a while--just to stay in that wonderful place for more than a few beautiful seconds, minutes or hours.

The word breathe has become a mantra....a reminder of sorts....it means that life throws things at you that you never thought you could get through but it doesn't stop time from moving and your heart from beating and your lungs from filling and sometimes we miss people so much it hurts and sometimes we love people too much and sometimes we find ourselves in moments we never want to forget and wish time would stop.......but in all of those, you need to remember to breathe....because when the best in life happens, you'll definitely want to be breathing :)