.Ten Months.

Ten months.....that brings us into the double digits. Sometimes, it still feels like yesterday--well, to be honest, a lot lately. I've been confronting the past as of late....the moments, the conversations, the texts throughout the day....the missing those things....the everything. Nothing seems to change the degree of devastation at times....and other times, i feel like I'm on my way. Truthfully, things still change each day. some people think it's been ten months so I should be just fine....but, for me, it's only been ten months.

I still walk around wondering where to go from here and I still try to put the pieces back together...and even though I try every day-some days are more successful than others. I have done well learning to take time for myself and also living in the moment. The here and now are all I can change...the past is in the past and while I don't like it--I can't change it.

I've found myself missing Chris a lot lately...more since my anniversary. It kind of sent me into a funk...and while I am hopeful I'll be on the other end of it soon--I just don't know when or how to go up from here. Grieving provides quite the crazy cycle....I don't know that you're ever out of the grieving process. I think you can get through it, but you always go back to some parts.

It's all about learning to live again. Some days are better than others....but other days are pretty good and the hope fills your sails again and you believe that you can make it. You see yourself making decisions you didn't think you could make on your own and carrying love with you every day in your heart.

It's still one day at a time most of the time...but that's okay....I'm doing my best to put the life back in my living and sometimes trying is the best you can do....even ten months later.