.Life Goes On.

I celebrated a memorial service for my wonderful husband just three days ago and a year ago today I buried him....it's put me in a smidge of a funk. One of those flat line periods where you're not entirely sad but you're definitely not happy. I've done my best to distract myself but God, sometimes I can't help that all I think about is what I've lost....then I let it go and try again...it's always about trying again....one foot in front of the other just long enough until you're through the day--even a year later it still is one day at a time most of the time. Grief never ends--the process will go on forever...it certainly does get easier but it never goes away.

I remember the funeral...the burial...the days after that felt like years....and still, there are days I wish I was back in that moment. Not to relive the hell but because so many people were around and calling and checking in....and, sadly, that changes and stops--life just goes on. Everyone tells you this will happen--all the people who try to offer their condolences and well wishes reminds you that 5 years from now this will feel like just a rough patch--except, if they've ever been through it, they'd know that 1 year later it was more than just a "rough patch" It was the rough patch that altered my life forever and took away everything I ever dreamed of...but here I am, replacing those things with new dreams, new hope, and lots of new beginnings. No, it definitely wasn't what I planned for but even the best laid plans often need rearranging. Life happens.

They promised me that life would go on...and it has...not in the most pleasant of ways and not without a lot of heartache and stumbles but it does....and truthfully, that is something everyone can relate to. I don't think there's a single person who hasn't had their own version of the bottom dropping out at some point in their life. It happens in different ways but, as human beings, we all know the feeling of loss, gut wrenching tears, and the sleepless nights when we lay awake wondering if the sun really does come out tomorrow.

We always have a choice though--rise up to meet the challenge or let it destroy us. Our choices dictate all we are and all we can become. I choose every day to get out of bed...walk with love...and always carry the memory of Chris close in my heart. I also choose to let this experience change me for the better....because, if I've learned anything in this last year it's that life really does go on.