Feels like home. That was our wedding song. It's that safe, unconditional love that you never knew you were missing out on until it showed up and filled your life with it's beauty. It's what I've been searching for, longing for, and missing for the last nearly ten months....and it's nothing you can buy or build or put together....it's something you find when the right person comes along and changes your life for the rest of your life.
My two year anniversary is finally here. For some reason I almost thought time would stop and I wouldn't have to go through it just yet. Just as I find myself having better days, the hard ones come all too quickly.
It's this great paradox. Two years. Just Two. Cheated and Blessed. Happy and Sad. Joyful and Angry. Nostalgic and Bitter. Thankful and Jealous. If you ask me what I feel--it's not just one of these things, it's both. That's the craziest part...that you CAN be both at the very same time and that it's completely okay to throw all of it up in the air and just take it one minute at a time if you have to.
This day is different than any holiday or other special days thus far. This day was one we picked, planned for, and took a five hour nap recovering from on our honeymoon. We made this beautiful day and we spent last year marveling at all the challenges and joys our first year of marriage brought. We spent it making dinner at home, wrapped up on the couch, dreaming, mapping out our lives....our five year plan...and where we wanted to retire. The places to see....the 2.5 kids who would run our lives. All the things we never imagined wouldn't happen...all the things we were preparing for.
And...in an instant..."home" would become a feeling I can only now remember...and miss every single day....but if you asked me if I'd do it all over again if I knew then what the outcome would be...my answer every single time would be yes....so now I will patiently wait until it's my turn to see him again.
It was a snowy day in April when I married my best friend. Truth be told, I read vows that were way too long, I overthought every detail, I agonized over favors, food choices, and napkin colors. I had the most ridiculous argument over a ribbon punch. I cried at bumps in the road that felt like the end of the world (and they weren't) I made my best friends fluff pew bows and hang them ever so perfectly on every other pew and watched as our fantastic groomsmen tried to figure out how to decorate a church with tulle......and in the grand scheme, none of that really mattered....in the end, it was just us and God....and here we are, two years later....just us and God.
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