super woman.

today i need five minutes. just five. to breathe and not be everyone else's person.

five minutes to take off this cape and not answer everyone's questions or the phone or emails or cover an extra person's responsibilities or put on my go-go gadget arms or take on the world.

i need just five.

to reset.

that's the thing about doing everything.....people expect it at some point. they expect that you'll always wear your cape and you'll always be there to keep things afloat and you'll always do it all.....except sometimes, I don't want to wear the cape. Sometimes, I don't want to have to save everyone else....sometimes I want to have my own super hero and I just don't know how to effectively communicate that in my professional and personal life.

life is always a balance but i feel, lately, like I'm always putting out fires or coming to someone's rescue. When do i get to be rescued? Maybe it's selfish to want that but I'm tired of always having to pick up the slack and run with it. while some things are out of a person's control and i understand, it doesn't change the fact that i'm just tired. and overwhelmed. and unappreciated. and mostly, i think i feel unappreciated because when everyone expects you to do everything because you've been doing it already, they don't think they need to say thank you. it's just what you do.

and that's how i get to the point where i need just five minutes....because this cape is tearing and fading and i need to get myself back together.

i've told my boss, my friends, my coworkers and everyone under the sun how overwhelmed i am. it's not that people don't know--in fact, i think they know a little too much at this point and probably think i'm whining and complaining....but i'm not. i'm really just that exhausted and overloaded.

so instead of assigning diagnosis pointers, assigning date of last xray, changing diagnosis codes and writing NONE in various insurance boxes, i took five minutes. for me. and the phone rang and i answered it. and patients came and i helped them. but i didn't let myself get lost in the technicalities for five minutes. i came here and i vented so that by the time patients start coming in this afternoon i will have had a moment or three to breathe and reflect.

i know i am blessed to have a job. even more blessed that it's not one where i'm digging ditches. but i'm human and i have feelings and that's okay, too.

it's okay to not want to be superwoman some days.

it's even more okay to just want to be olivia.

keep calm and carry on.