You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.
how many times in life have i looked those twenty seconds in the eye and backed down? more than i'd like to admit, unfortunately. i know that it's true.....i know that minutes can change your life and using your words can make or break you. that, sometimes, saying what you need to say can free you....or taking that leap of faith might save you....and yet i stare at those 20 seconds like they're the scariest tick tocks of my life. i over think them....and i let them win.
so as i sit here today, wondering why or what i am so afraid of, i realize it's not that what and if are terrifying words.....it's that when you put them together, they can haunt you. what if i just tell him my feelings....or what if i never sent that letter....or what if he never read the letter that i found 20 seconds of courage to send....or what if God's plan is bigger....or what if I have no idea what I'm doing.....
i don't know the answers to any of those questions....i just know that literally finding those 20 seconds can sometimes be harder than the leap itself. it's days and weeks of talking yourself into it....and then it's knowing that the outcome may break you. your heart may not recover....but it will--that's what no one will tell you.....that it will hurt, but you'll be okay.....because no one wants to tell you that he won't embrace you or that taking on that new adventure won't be the best thing that ever happened to you.
but let's be honest.
life isn't a disney movie.
i know, i know--that's a harsh one. i had been stuck in a land of princesses and mermaids growing feet for quite a long time. in fact, sometimes i am still there. i still believe in magic carpets and talking lions.....and i still hope that every little girl hopes to be a princess. but i hope it in a more realistic way now. that your prince might not show up on his trusty steed and may instead drive a toyota camry. that your dream job may not allow you to stay home and read books until you go to save your father in a castle with a very scary creature but that it might come dressed as work. seven days a week. with benefits of the heart and less on the paycheck side of life. that you may not have a monkey who turns into an elephant and a magic carpet that whisks you away but that you may have a great dog who allows you to sit on the carpet beside him.
this is altogether ironic considering the very quote that requests 20 seconds of insane courage is from a DISNEY MOVIE but i'm sure you get my point.
the truth is that some people are reallllly brave and they don't mind being courageous. i'd venture to say that people like that are a rare breed. i'd also like to admit that i am not one of those realllllly brave people when it comes to my personal life. i feel like i've taken giant leaps and jumps professionally and i'm not afraid to stand up for myself or my business but when it comes to possibly offending a friend or telling your best friend that you may have fallen for him or asking for help i seem to always lose my words and clam up.
i'm working on being braver. baby steps.
but i'm also working on seeing things in a more toyota-camry-seven-day-work-week-regular-burbur-carpet kind of way.
that's the trick. balance.
a healthy balance of dreams and reality. like knowing you can grow your hair to the floor but realizing people really shouldn't be using it to climb up.
knowing there are risks but realizing the best things come when we trust there will be a soft place to land.
no matter the outcome.
that a magic carpet will be there whether you need to fall or fly.
and that 20 seconds isn't very long. it's just enough time to change your life.
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