stung.

gigantic sigh.

today has gotten the best of me. i feel so damn sad lately. and, even more, i feel defeated. i think everything came crashing on me today and i truly wish i had stayed in bed. you know the saying sometimes you're the dog and sometimes you're the hydrant.....today i am definitely not feeling like the dog. but i guess that's okay. i guess you need to get knocked down every once in a while so you get back up.

it's that getting knocked down part that's hard. it's feeling like no one notices or appreciates all you do or how hard you try...and it's knowing that picking and choosing your battles might be the hardest part of your day sometimes.

now i feel whiny. and that's so not attractive or like me. i think processing feelings and putting them in certain boxes is harder than it looks. in fact, i don't think many people give it much thought if they're not in it. but here i am, in it...trying to put my feelings in boxes and doing my best to hold it together. if we're being honest, i'm not doing a great job at that at all. and i'm tired of trying. just tired.

so here's to letting go and finding my joy again. i don't know where it's hiding but i've got to find it. i don't have a choice at this point. if i go any longer without it, i might fall apart and i just got myself back together.

that's the funny thing about this life. you hold on like hell and hope there's a net to catch you when you fall....but when you don't, it stings for a while....

so i guess i better start stringing a net beneath me....

because this sting is too much to bear.