.Starting Over.

One of my good friends is at a cross roads....and asked me today, " How did you start over? " I only said....I don't know....but I've thought a lot about it since being asked. Starting over is different for everyone but it starts with one day at a time. First, you just do what you can to stay above the water...just everything you can do to get through the day and before you know it days become weeks and weeks become months and then, you start to stop feeling so numb. Then, you try to figure out how to make those days worth while....and you make your own checklist so that you have routine. This is mine:

• Smile at least five times a day. Real ones....not the smirks or the fake smiles you give so people think you're okay--find something great each day to make you smile and then run with it. Some days are easier than others.

• Do something that scares you as often as you can. Talk to someone you normally wouldn't, try different foods, dance in public, sing loud enough for everyone to hear, go somewhere you've always wanted to go but were too scared to try, apply for that promotion, find something that makes you feel alive and do it.
• Life will change you.....let it. Let it wash over you and embrace you in it's arms.
• Pray....as often as you can for as long as you can and as long as you need to. God will carry you--of this I am certain.
• Laugh at least twice a day--you know, the laugh that comes from the bottom of your heart. The one that reminds you that you're still alive.
• Do something that only you would love to do and make it your own.
• Change small things....I started with the shower curtain--the rest just naturally came together. It's not erasing--it's preserving....yourself.
• Do something you love. I love to read and write and take pictures....and I have now done more of them all....they ground me.
• Don't put yourself on a timeline....starting over is a process and takes time--deadlines are not allowed here.
• Lean on those who care. Let them listen to you, reassure you that you're going to be okay, and take care of you until you are ready to do it on your own, and even then, keep leaning.
• Sing in the shower. It's the only place in the world that the acoustics don't matter.
• Love yourself, by yourself, enough for yourself. That's right--fall in love with yourself....and never cheat on yourself....don't compromise and don't settle.
• Believe in silver linings.....that comes more toward the end, but it is possible.

If there is anything I've done, it's learned how to take care of me again--put myself at the top....and then, to let what happened to me make me better. I'm better for having known and loved Chris. I'm better for having risen to meet the challenge of life on my own again. I'm better for taking the time to heal myself so that, maybe someday, I can be better for someone else.