.No Regrets.

The sadness lingers for a while after the rough nights....but I am hopeful to be on the upswing soon. I'm good at being strong....and not letting people on to how I feel....too bad I haven't figured out how to hide it from myself sometimes. Sometimes, it feels like it just might be easier that way.....but anyone will tell you that you have to hurt to heal.

I'm hanging my heart on hope.....and praying for better tomorrows....those two constants drag me through the days mostly. I guess there are worse things.

I'm back to the checklist today--smile at least 5 times, laugh, engage, live, breathe, and put one foot in front of the other. If I do all of that, I'll be okay.....just long enough to get me out of this funk so I can feel like myself again. People often have misconceptions about time.....it certainly has been a year but a year really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. I've watched years pass quickly for 25 years and while I only really remember the last 20....they move quickly and time becomes a measure of growth, love, pain, memories, and dreams--some lost and others created, but most of them always changed. Nothing in life is permanent and the plans we make are often modified for our own good.....it doesn't mean we shouldn't or can't have them....we just have them in a different way....a way that suits our life for the place we are in. It may not be what we expected but it's difficult to live life on promises and five year plans....most of the time, we only get angry at ourselves later for even putting so much of our hearts into the promises that proved to be empty and the five year plans that changed in the matter of an instant.

There are no guarantees....so maybe if we were better at saying what we need to say now, and telling others how we feel right away, and doing what we've always wanted before someone talked us out of it, and falling in love without reservations and walls, and maybe if we lived more--loved deeper--and only kept one foot on the ground so the rest of our selves could know the beauty of truly flying.....well, maybe then we wouldn't regret a thing....and maybe that should be the five year plan.....no regrets....I mean, truly, no regrets. Not even one.