.I am.

As I move along in my grief process I'm finding myself with the need to let go....of people, things, and just various areas of my life that are in need of improvement.

Let's be honest....there are people in all our lives that it's just time to let go of--cut the ties and move on, right? Except it's rarely that easy and it often comes with tangled feelings that make it difficult to cut those final ties. Sometimes, we hold on hoping that it will get better....only to realize later, that sometimes it's better to leave before you are left....and then, we find ourselves angry at our own selves for having held on as long as we did. ahhh, retrospect.

There are "things" I need to let go of too....material things that have no place in my life anymore. I hold on for the memory or the feeling I associated with it once but those feelings change shape too. Rarely do we remember something in the same way as the moment we got it or in that moment of impulse when we had to have it.....time to move on from that too....in the healthiest, most loving way. There's no shame in letting go of things...whether they were once our things or just mine.....they're all mine now, and that is, at times, the harshest reality of all.

I want to work on accepting myself better....as just myself and acknowledging the parts of myself that I'm really good at. I'm a really good friend....better than most....and I'm so proud of that. I'm a good wife. I'm good at the little things. I'm good at my job. I'm good at listening to people and giving honest-without-hurting-you-most-of-the-time opinions, though sometimes you will just have to get hurt. I'm good at being generous with my heart and my time. I'm good at follow through. I'm really good at commitment. I'm good at communicating what I need and how I feel...to God. I'm good at writing out my feelings and being open enough for others to see. I'm good at being brave when it matters.

I could make an even longer list about the things I need to do better but maybe I'll save that for a different time.....for tonight, I'm going to absorb all that I am in hopes that the "I'm nots" aren't all that important anyway.