.Separation.

I took my wedding rings in today to get separated so I can wear my wedding band on my right hand. They asked me if I wanted to do something with the diamonds from my engagement ring. No-not yet. I'm not quite sure what I will do with them, if anything. 

I haven't worn it regularly in a few weeks....not because I don't want to be associated with it but it's just becoming too hard. People compliment it on me so often and I hate having that pang in my heart when I'm asked about it or someone says something.....I know why it's hard but complete strangers do not. I am not ashamed of it....it's just that life goes on....and while I'm in no hurry to date, I want to keep my heart open to anything.

Opening my heart means that there are some bridges I must burn and others I must mend....lately, I am finding that there are some ties I need to cut in order for the bridges in my own heart to heal.....and that it's okay to walk away from people who hurt you and those who offer no real love or healing in your own life. Yes, it sure is all right to keep on moving, even if that means some people get left behind. I'm learning to re-prioritize so that I can always be in a position for my best self to take shape and that I can always be exactly what I need for myself first. This is hard for me to do--I always put everyone else in front of me but then I think of Chris and he always put me first....so maybe it's time to start doing that for myself now....and maybe it's okay that I don't feel all that bad....maybe it's okay that I want to take care of myself and what's important to me....and maybe I shouldn't have to answer for how I live my life or spend my money or take care of things as long as I'm happy. Maybe others can be happy that I'm happy and as okay as I can be and that I'm putting my heart back together one piece at a time. It is certainly enough for me and really, that's all that really matters.

So, yes, sometimes we have to change things....cut things apart to make ourselves better. A ring won't change that I was married or that I was loved by and in love with the best man in the world. Sometimes we change the shapes of the pieces in our puzzle but it doesn't ever change what it looks like--that the big picture holds something undoubtedly beautiful for us all....and that is all we can ask for. A little faith and a lot of hope that all of this will be worth it in the end.