silver linings.

ahhh....another first new day of the new year.
it's crazy how much more fresh things seem on days like today. 
like everyone has renewed hope and seems to be full of excitement for the new year. 
well, nearly everyone. i've still seen those people posting about how bad it is already and i have to wonder where people allow themselves to lose that hope and excitement.
is it your first bad day?
is it the first time something doesn't exactly go your way?
is it the first time you miss an opportunity?
or is it when you realized that fighting to be happy is so much harder than just living with what you've got? 

it's crazy isn't it? that we give up so easily on the very thing we want most? 
when i've asked people what they want to be when they grow up, most people who aren't under age 12 respond with one word.....happy. 
and it's true for me, too. 
but happiness is hard. it takes work. and you have to endlessly fight for it....strive for it...and insist upon it.

i lost my joy in 2013. i stopped hunting for the silver linings. and somewhere along the way, i began to believe all the things that i had been fighting. all the words people had said about me....i let my hurt outweigh my happy. 

but somewhere deep down, i knew that wasn't me. and i fought like hell to get out of bad situations and negative spaces. i left people and i started to love myself again. i looked at who i was becoming...my heart that was hardening....and i decided that i needed to reclaim my joy. take my hope back. and find my silver lining again. 

step by step, i rebuilt. i think that's the thing we always forget--we're constantly rebuilding....not just at the beginning of the year....but always. our lives change and even shatter at different points and often when we are least expecting it or when we weren't looking. the rug gets pulled out from under you....the bottom drops out....and we identify with our sadness, sometimes, for too long. is it okay to hurt? absolutely. but so often we count our losses and not our blessings. 

but i woke up every single day.

and i had the opportunity every day to make the most of it.

it truly is that simple. and even when i got caught up in all of the complications, i still woke up every single day. 

so, while i know there will still be hard days....days that take the wind right out of my sails....i also know there will be silver linings and good days and that's what i insist on finding every day. 

i probably won't remember this all the time....so please refer me to this very posting when necessary.

but mostly, please help me continue to find joy....to make new adventures....and to insist upon a silver lining every single day.