a lesson on awesome.

somedays I forget.
that I'm awesome....and doing everything I'm supposed to.
somedays I feel like I need a cheerleader. and I wonder if other people notice it, too.
let's be honest...we never know how much we need other people until we're in the moment and it feels like it's been crashing all over you for far too long....we also never know just how awesome we are if we never hear it.

it's easier to remember your earthquakes. your mistakes. your missed opportunities. your countless shortcomings.

because we're told so many times that no one is perfect. we're so human. and it gives us permission to take on our earthquakes and own them rather than focus on our triumphs. our mountains. our victories. the wins. and the things that, at our core, reflect who we are.

so here I am....needing a cheerleader.

a patient told me the person before me was much more bubbly and friendly than I.

it struck a nerve.

because I am friendly. and bubbly. and nice. and awesome. and I spent my morning meeting telling my coworkers how awesome we all are. building up their victories and strengths and avoiding the earthquakes. so hearing that I may not actually be awesome is hard. or that I'm not what someone is used to. then again, I shouldn't be. I am different. I like different. I even like me.

and now, I'm finding the many ways I've justified my shortcomings are coming into my head. I should fight them...honestly, I definitely shouldn't even let it bother me for a minute. because, for that 1 there are at least 10 others who really do think I'm awesome. but, much like other people, that doesn't make it okay for me in this moment.

I wonder, often, why people need to verbalize the things that aren't very nice. the part of your brain that should think before you speak just doesn't work very often. and it's hard to not feel like you're sometimes taking the brunt of someone who doesn't realize the many ways their actions impact you.

but we're human, right?

we aren't perfect.

and we make mistakes.

so it's okay.

or, we'll tell ourselves that until it is.

and i'll pray that someone reminds me I'm awesome in the mean time.

because everyone needs a cheerleader.

and everyone, even me, is awesome.