growing

what a bittersweet day. such blessings and such hard moments. it's amazing how that works....

it's like sometimes nothing hits you and then everything at once....and then you're just staying afloat until you figure it out....and i guess that's okay--it reminds me that life is ever changing....and that the only constant really is change.

i've always fought change....and not for any good reason...just that transition has never been easy for me....maybe because, most of the time, it hasn't always been my decision. and maybe, quite simply, because it's really stinking hard.

but here i am....finding myself in a lot of transition....some things as simple as the seasons....other things in my family and friendships...work stuff....life stuff....and my business moving faster than i can keep up.

and what i know for sure is that God means for me to be right here in this moment. and He means for me to thrive.....so i need to get caught up less in the "stuff" and see the bigger picture for nearly everything....because there IS one.

I imagine that if I had every day to live over, my days would look severely different. I wouldn't get as frustrated at some things because I'd know what battles matter and which ones don't.....and i wouldn't worry as much....because i'd know that i'm okay at the end of the day....and, like my momma says, worrying is like carrying an umbrella around every day waiting for the rain.

that's the thing about being better about what to get emotional about and what to let go of....when you wear your heart on the outside it's harder to do that. because i feel everything SO deeply. every word. every action. i feel it to my core. i wear it. i live it.

and in those moments, when i'm feeling everything, i find myself listening to the same song on repeat just to get out of my head for a minute.....and hoping for comfort to calm this restless heart.

because some days, you just need to know that you're valued, needed and wanted and you need some kind of constant in the middle of the vortex. so those insecurities that you have about what will happen once the storm is over are just tiny blips on the radar....and you decide to believe, with every piece of yourself, that you are enough. that what you do matters. and that you are, in fact, a part of something bigger than even you know.

the hard stuff makes you grow.

i believe that with every piece of myself.

so....for now....i'm growing.