.Reprioritizing.

I'm in the process of reprioritizing. My life. My people. My loves. My desires. My dreams. Everything. Top to bottom. It's necessary at different parts of your life to do this.....there are definite commitments that require me to be fully present for and also to keep at the top of the list....myself coming first lately. I've taken on a lot--not realizing how burnt out it made me. I thought I could do it all, in fact, I still think I can most of the time....turns out we all need help--I'm learning to ask....some people are better at it than others. I think I convinced myself that I was by all technical terms, "alone" so I would have to go through much of these life projects alone. Turns out, it's okay to ask for help with those--especially when Lowe's makes your head swell and brings a whole new meaning to the feeling of rage. :)

It means I reprioritize my friend list and begin to lean, as much as they'll let me, until I come out of the dark and find a way to make my life a little less chaotic. I didn't stop doing anything when Chris died. I kept our house. I kept the cars. I kept working full time. I kept the remodeling. I kept the projects. I kept the pets. I kept the kitchen table-ditched the rest of the furniture. I kept the carpet-ditched the linoleum. I did everything I normally would and here I am....tired. Time for a change. To finally put me back in the "I kept" list.

First, I did all those "normal" things for distraction....except now....I don't need the distraction--I am in a better place and ready to place myself back at the top and ready to make the time I need to put my other priorities in just the right place.

I'm not the only one starting over....so many of us are.....in our own different ways. Some of my friends are still in the quest of finding themselves, some are on their way to reinventing themselves because of situations and things they couldn't control, others have felt failure in relationships and friendships and are needing to make a change....and yet here we all are, trying to figure out the meaning of life. I'm not sure that I know it myself but I do know that if I live more, love deeper, and spend less time worrying about all the things I cannot change, the best me will take shape....and if I change my priorities so that those 3 things can happen then I'll do the best thing of all....I'll set myself up for success....and then, well, there might just be a happy ending.