.Broken.

I'm not very good at trusting myself enough....thankfully, Chris was the best at reassuring me I could do anything....for six years he trusted my instincts, reminded me that I'm the best and always pointed out my true strengths, telling me they always overcame any weakness I had.....and now, well, it's just me trying to do all the reassuring for myself and while I like to consider myself mostly successful, sometimes I'm just not. It's one of the many things I miss about my wonderful husband...his ability to just say, "everything is going to be okay" and then, I believed him. Life seemed so much simpler then.....and it was....I wasn't fighting universes to communicate....but this is the cross God gave me to carry....and while the load is sometimes heavy, I continue to walk. 

Just today, one of my good friends asked me how I am....really....how I am....and I said, I'm all right and he asked me why I was just all right and the more I thought about it.....the more I realized the way self doubt, stress, work, relationships, drama, loss, gain, and everything else has factored in lately. Truth be told, I'm tired.....exhausted......and wondering when this tank is going to hit empty. Surprisingly, I keep on going.....so much is fueled by prayer and my love for others....wanting to be there for them.....to show people what it looks like to come from the bottom and rise to the top.....but I'm still tired and sometimes even broken. When I think of "broken" I consider that some of the world's most prized possessions and beautiful things come from broken pieces and years of decay.....but it doesn't change that they're still beautiful. The coliseum in Rome....falling apart....and one of the most visited places on Earth.....in my own home, one of my favorite thing is a mural made from broken pieces of glass---they don't fit together perfectly but the picture is still beautiful. The churches that have fallen apart but you can feel the grace coming from every piece that's left and still, people go and awe in the marvel.....take in it's beauty and take a million pictures of those very "broken" pieces.  

Maybe it's just that we all have some part of us that is broken....maybe that's just part of life.....and maybe, when you least expect it, you find the light in the darkness....you stop doubting and keep believing.....you stop worrying and let God take care of you--of everything fully....and you stop searching for that "missing piece" and somehow, it just finds you.....because, yes, everything is going to be okay.