.To The Moon.

Chris has been on my heart a lot the last few days.....a lot more than usual I suppose. While I think of him daily, it feels like a heavy weight the last couple days and I find myself tearful today.....remembering....thinking too much....and reflecting. I think it's because I have found myself at the bottom of people's priority lists as of late....people who promised they'd always be there, check in, and well, people I've counted on. This is life I guess....but I'm thankful for some constants that always remain... 

I often will go in my old email and Chris' to clean them out.....because, well, I don't want to lose any of these precious emails we had sent....they are what I have left, among many pictures and notes....this is all I have. I sent Chris 256 emails between 2003-2004, well, that he saved....and in my own inbox 378 between 2003-2006. In my current email, another various 68 and in his, another 46. All filled with love and boring, every day things....but enough to be something I looked forward to and counted on for the 2,193 days we got to spend together.

Gosh, I miss him. I mean, I really really really miss him. From the top of my head to my toes....I miss him. I really don't like the distance....or the universes that seperate us. I know this is just a bad day and that better days are always just around the corner....i guess maybe I just need today to be what it is. A rough one.

I truly have nothing insightful and there aren't enough cliches in the world to make the missing him less...but there is enough love to sustain me....because, even universes apart, you can't stop loving someone, and, as always, I love him to the moon and back.