upside down

it's been a long week. a long month. and my heart is so ready to see the calendar turn to july 1. so ready. 

i'm tired. my heart is run down and exhausted....and i'm disappointed. people i thought would be there just aren't. and while time has changed so much, it reminds me that sometimes the people you didn't think would ever hurt you, will and do....often with little care for your feelings. 

people are selfish. 

myself included. 

but i've learned that people need me much more than i need a lot of my own things. so sacrifice happens. because you care about someone and you said you'd be there. 

and when people bail on you it hurts. it's hard. and there isn't much room for recovery. at least, not after a week like this. 

and my world is feeling a bit upside down. but i'm trying to just keep swimming. 

my heart has been longing for peace and comfort and some kind of sign that i'm on the right path....and while i'm not entirely sure if i'm missing the signs or so far into this funk that i cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, i have hope that i'm getting there somehow. 

i'm having a hard time putting my words together which tells me i need to do some soul searching tonight. 

until tomorrow.....