.Messy.

You can't have everything.....but you can love what you have. That is something I've learned the hard way too many times. The unfortunate part is that some people convince themselves they love what they have and that they're happy, when everyone sees right through it. Being miserable is a choice....one that too many people choose for all the wrong reasons.

I used to think that people could see the messes they were in....I'm certain now that some people just keep adding to it....for fear that they will have to start over from scratch and well, who really wants to do that? No one. Someday, though, we all meet our crossroads--you know, the one where we have to make a choice and go left or right, not on the same straight, worn and beaten path. The hard part is we never know when someday is here....and often, we miss it--we let ourselves get caught up in daily life....in everything that got us in the mess in the first place and then what....where do we go from there? I don't know the answer to that. I've, thankfully, spent the last nearly 18 months staring every crossroad in the face and used them all to make me better. Sometimes it didn't work and I found myself back a few steps, but it was inevitable that I would meet those crossroads again, at a better time, when I knew myself enough to know my own limitations. It's a beautiful thing when you know where you stand.....with yourself. 

I know a few things for certain...you get what you give.....you don't know what you've got until it's gone....and sometimes we hold on for far too long to the things we should have let go and other times we let go of the things we should have held on to. Life is made up of trial and error, decisions, and the thought that we do the best we can. It doesn't mean it's easy or fair all of the time....just that our best judgment is all we can count on. I think we hold ourselves to high expectations and rarely let ourselves off the hook when our needs change. We try to mold our needs to our wants and sometimes they just don't fit together like two pieces of a puzzle. Sometimes things change for a good reason....and sometimes we have to modify our plans so that something better can come along......but it's all about timing and knowing when we are ready for that change....and then, embracing that change is even scarier than just staring it in the face. 

But, here I am, knowing that I'm better for having gone through every rough patch and for having been hurt for no reason by a lot of different people at a lot of different times....and I refuse to let myself become bitter for things outside of my own control. You have to take the good with the bad...nothing in this world has ever survived without both.