celebrate.

I spent last night celebrating life...surrounded by my favorites just so thankful for the relationships we've forged and made. it's not always been easy but these people are some of my very best friends.

I began to consider the many ways I hadn't been living in the last year. The many times I chose work over these relationships. One of my friendships nearly dissolved and-not on purpose-but I didn't have time to initiate and neither did she....so when we considered that the hole we fell into was much like the hole on a needle, I realized I need to make changes or that needle will soon become a pothole or worse, a black hole. I need to show up. and be there. because you know what, I need them too and while I laid my head next to hers on a pillow last night and we discussed the things we are thankful for, I realized how awful it would have been had we not come back together to celebrate her birthday on a frigid day in january. how much I would miss her. how much she feeds my soul. how much i love the people who were within arms reach last night.

So last night was a wednesday. and i had to get up today. and i knew that but i decided that life is for living....and that means late nights and early days. i have not one regret about last night.

i laughed with my entire heart. i hugged my friends and they hugged me back. so many times. i counted my blessings....and some i counted twice. sometimes i got lost and forgot for a minute where i was...i was so consumed in the present that nothing mattered.

it was beautiful.

i had asked my staff yesterday if they could time travel once and come back where they would go. i said i would go back 5ish years. for some obvious reasons. not to change it....but so that i could have a proper goodbye. so that i could be absolutely sure he knew that i loved him. and so he could know that i'm okay....i'm making it....every single day.

and last night, surrounded by people who love the shit out of me, i was reminded that i have filled my life with so many people who have hearts like i do. we love to celebrate people. enjoy life. and we aren't afraid to go out on a wednesday night to live a little. because we know the value of minutes. we know how much time we don't have. we also know that, no matter where we are in life, we can lean and someone else will hold us up. it's a beautiful thing. we choose to live through life and not just get through it. and there is a giant difference.

it makes me hope for the future because it makes me endlessly grateful for my present....for the people who love and live like i do...and that they choose to spend their days and time with me.

maybe mr. wonderful is around the corner. maybe he isn't. but if he is, i sure hope he's ready for a wednesday night out and beautiful adventures.

and, until then, my heart is smiling.