seven.

if i'm being honest, today has been rough. i woke up to a quiet rain that made me just want to stay in bed. i've questioned my abilities as an employee, friend, team mate, daughter, and human being. it's not that i suck. it's that today sucks. and sometimes i forget that i've come so far....because there are moments and days like today that make me feel like i'm not doing enough. 

and even though my heart is more open than it's ever been, i wonder if he'd be proud....if i've done right by his memory....and then i remember that he has always been proud. he has always been here. and he's always going to be in my corner.....even when he shouldn't have all of the time. but that's real love....they've got your back. friends. best friends. husbands. wives. mothers. fathers. sons. daughter. it's the unconditional kind that doesn't come around very often....so you hold on really tight.

It's the idea that someday I could love again that makes me keep on trying so hard....because, like many women, I love love. I miss belonging to someone. But I won't settle for just anyone. And I won't compare. I just miss the hell out of that unconditional some days.

And tonight, while I lay here in bed, I am trying to make peace with this rough day. The one that had me in tears on the drive home. The one that knocked me on my ass at least twice. The one that made me hold my breath for most of today....

And I'm letting it go.

So I can breathe again.