.Tomorrow.

I came here today just needing to let it all out. I'm feeling a bit lost in translation. My body has an urge to cry one of those deep sobbing cries and I feel like I'm trying to catch my breath....but nothing happens when I give myself the room to let it all out. It feels, literally, like a weight on my chest....a large wooden box placed upon it...but when I open the box there is nothing there....just a big space where things used to be--where my life was once. It is true...so much has changed since that day two years ago....since the moment when the bottom fell out....and it's evident that I've come a long way...but everything has a price. If I had known then what it was, I might have lived a little differently....but that's the thing about the past--you can't change it.

My present is different than most other things in my life have been. I've learned that I'd rather be late having spent precious extra moments with people who love me than to be on time for the meeting I overcommitted to. I've learned that your priorities need to be in line in order for there to be balance and happiness in your life....and sometimes the places you've put others are not the same as where they've put you....so it is best to be aware of where you stand. I've learned that you can't spend your life planning your future....sometimes you just need to go with it. I've watched people push away the best parts of their life to advance their career or to get a few extra brownie points with the person they are smitten with....don't lose yourself because once you have, it's pretty hard to get your self back....at least, not without unnecessary pain...and the same goes for the people who stood by you and loved you anyway--you can only push them for so long...then, you better hope you've got something to back it up with. I've learned that things are just things and stuff is just stuff...you can't put a hug in a box or a kiss in a drawer or laughter in a jar--those things are priceless and should be treated as such. I've witnessed what happens when you take someone for granted and have experienced it first hand....if you knew today was your last day, what would you say to them? Maybe we should consider that when leaving anyone at any moment...would they know you loved them...would they know you would have walked through fire for them...because those are things you should know without a doubt....especially if you should find yourself in a burning building. I've experienced the power of prayer and trusting in a power greater and stronger than yourself...in a God who loves and saves....who doesn't promise an easy journey but who will promise you company along it if only you have a little faith. I've learned some people never change and the past, more often than not, dictates future behavior....so trust your gut when true colors are revealing themselves. I've learned to wait 24 hours before I say something I might regret....it's easier to take back what you haven't said than to ask for forgiveness for the things you have.

I've found that my worst day could have been much worse...and while that sometimes brings me comfort....for the next 24 hours I'm going to let my worst day crash over me like the tide coming in and..whenever the time is right, I'll watch the tide go out....and, in the wet sand, I'll write LivHope.