Anyway.

Two years is coming so fast....11 days from now....and when I really think about it, today-two years ago-my life was everything I wanted. I had a husband who appreciated me, fought with me (that's important), fought fair is even more important, and loved me anyway. When I say anyway, I mean that he was my person. You know...the one who, even on your ugliest, worst days, loves you anyway. It is rare to find that quality in someone. The "Anyway" quality....and even more rare to be able to trust in it...but when it comes along you hang on tight....and sometimes we hang on too hard and before we know it we're wrapped in a love so big we can't even figure out how we got here or how we'll get where we're going....and sometimes, in a blink of an eye, everything changes....and the shattered pieces of your life stare at you in the mirror....because no one can see a scar. No one can see your heart aching...all they see is what you let them....which has brought me here, to this--my safe place.

I've been tired lately...missing my anyway person....facing the realities of it all again....and just wondering when the upswing will return. I keep myself distracted enough...busy enough...but somehow it just isn't enough....it's just filling time....waiting until I get to him again. How do you ever find a love like this again? I know everyone says it's possible but I'm not so sure. There are millions of people all over the world waiting for their anyway person....what if we only find that person once...then what? Do we settle or do we spend an eternity checking things off the proverbial list of "needs and wants"? Or, do we just accept it for what it is....and whatever might happen will just happen? I'm unsure on this. While I've considered seriously dating again, I'm not sure I'm 100% sold on it. Everyone says it changes when you meet them but what if my heart is so closed off that I've missed him already or he passes me by....will someone again fight for me? 

These are all things I don't have any answers for....but I allow hope to live inside of this heart...and I wait until I feel it pulling me along....sometimes I'm not sure where it takes me--most of the time I find myself unsure but for now, I'm just taking it day by day....minute by minute....until it gets me to my person....my love....my anyway.