.Soft Spot.

We all have them. That weak spot that you don't tell anyone about because it makes you vulnerable and well, it hurts. Then someone, not knowing, brings it up or attacks you about it and your weak spot is exposed and you are left to try to explain just why it hurts so much.

Most people assume that mine is Chris....but it's not. Chris and his amazing life speak volumes for itself and there is no one who would dare attack a dead man's character....at least, not in the company of his wife. But then....there's me and a million and one judgments on how I've "moved on" or how I've spent the last 16 months putting myself back together and I can take most of them until someone would even dare to question who I am now...because I've worked really hard to get here....to this point...where my whole life isn't consumed by what I've lost and still registers joy and happiness. The point where I laugh more than I cry and where my days are spent filled with hope and love.

So here I am....weak spot exposed....knowing I had the wind knocked out of me....and what's funny is I never expect it. I always find myself caught off guard. Well maybe not funny, but ironic. You'd think by now I'd be half expecting it with nearly every person I meet....maybe it's me being naive....maybe it's me trying to find the rainbow in every storm. Maybe people are just unhappy in their own lives. Either way, it still stings and seems to grab on to me without letting go....probably because I have to see this person nearly every day and mostly because I just don't want to. 

We all have that soft spot...the spot that we only reveal when we aren't sure what else to do. The spot that will make us laugh and cry at the very same time. the spot that gives us hope and despair....it's the spot where both good and bad collide and somehow there seems to be a big mess of things in between. For tonight, it's my hope that I can make my way out of the mess and try again tomorrow. Every day is different. Maybe tomorrow could be the best yet. Maybe.