.The Art Of Running Down Hill.

For better or worse I will love you....from here to the moon. It is true....and it never ever goes away. I've done a lot of praying and reflecting about acceptance as of late....and, well, the best way for me to get it out is just to talk to Chris....because, as always, he's been the best sounding board I've ever had.

Hi Monkey,
It's been a while since I've resorted to a real letter...a while since I've really thought about you and me and well, where I'm at. I'm not sure why but I think it's time to cross over the top of this hill....you know, the one where I accept what's happened fully and the one where I think about you with more laughter than tears. That big one that I've been climbing but stopped part way up. A lot of it is fear that I will forget....your voice, your hug, your everything....and that you might not come around as much anymore. Believe me, I know it's ridiculous. I know that you're here. I know that I could never forget the arms that wrapped around me nearly every day for 2194 days....but it was always my job to be the worrier and I did it well and so, here I am...telling you I'm ready to start the downhill run to joy and happiness....but it would be easier if I knew you were ready too. You know I've always needed reassurance.

Anyway, I want you to know that I love you....more than I've ever loved anyone....that I'm going to be okay....and that I will always need you. You told me I have to communicate my needs effectively, so this is me, telling you I'm going to continue to talk to you every day and that you could send me a sign once in a while....this is me letting you know that I will need you to just listen and not say anything sometimes....this is me, needing you for better or for worse until death do us part.....because no matter what I will always be your wife....I will always love you from here to the moon....but I need to start the descent....I'm getting tired of climbing and we all know what a whiner I can be. I need to do this for us....and for me. I know you get it, I know you understand, but it's so hard to say these words out loud because, while I carry you with me every day, I need to carry less of the burden and more of the love.

There's one more thing before I go.....I met someone....and I'm sure you have had your hand in this....I'm not sure where it will go or what will happen but I appreciate him. He wants to know about you and he laughs when I tell him about our funniest moments....I just want you to know I still love you and if there is any comfort, know that I loved you first and last.....because this love never ends....this love won't ever go away and well, we were the greatest team....and that can't get erased or put away in a box.

I'm going to start going over the hill now....and if I seem to run down the hill instead of walk, don't be discouraged....I'll always find myself running to you and us and our beautiful love. always.

Love,
Your Livvy.