.Slow Fade.

You don't know what you've got until it's gone....that's what they tell you. I just wonder, lately, why it must take the losing for people to have appreciated the having. Today isn't any different than any other day....but today is the day I think I'll stop making excuses for everyone else that hasn't made the time for me.

I'm good at throwing out life vests when people need it....in fact, I will throw you a life vest, bring you ice cream, and sit and talk about whatever it is that has you sinking.....but when I need a life vest...well, I find myself floating until I reach land on my own. It's becoming exhausting....and I'm finding myself drained. I don't know that I need anything but your time...and it seems that has become less and less. Yet, I spend my own time considering all the things that make you busy and make excuses as to why you just can't make time for me...and then I get upset and then I ask myself why I'm so upset about it--it's not like it hasn't been this way for a while....but I still want you to be a part of my life.

Sometimes I wish cutting ties was easier...but it always gets messy--seems, the blades are never sharp enough to cut straight through...there are always pieces that linger. Pieces that are left behind and memories....but the pieces won't ever fit back together again....at least, not in the same way. That's life though. Life happens. All the time. Unexpected things happen and people change and the people you once knew aren't the same. Sometimes we change with them and other times we don't....other times we stand back and watch as they go a different direction and we stand here, in our same spot, wondering how we got separated. It can happen quickly or it can take a while....most of the time it's just a slow fade.

So, here I am, wondering why it has taken all of this for me to see that the slow fade has happened and now someone just has to walk away. At this point, it will have to be me. I'm not sure if I'm ready but I don't know that there are any other options. Or maybe I should throw out the life preserver one last time....you know, for old times sake....except, I'm not even sure you'll be there to catch it.