.Sometimes.

Sometimes, it takes everything in me just to keep moving...and other days I see in myself what Chris always saw...a strong, mostly funny, hopeful woman who does everything she can just to keep her head above water. The last few days have sent me reeling...but I know those days will come and go...when you go through something like this, you realize nothing is permanent--things you never thought would happen to you do and, somehow, it helps you to appreciate what you've always had....even when you would trade it all just for five more minutes.

Sometimes, you find yourself laughing...really laughing and enjoying yourself...and it makes a world of difference. Sometimes you find that the hardest parts of life make the rest of it a bit easier. There are times when I have a "bad day" but realize it certainly isn't the worst day and it's all relative.

Sometimes, you look around yourself, albeit afraid, and you still take a chance....not knowing what the outcome will be...just that you don't want to live your life in fear.

Sometimes, you feel all the love and prayers wrap around you like a blanket and the loneliness seems to diminish...even if it's for just a moment. Those moments are what I hold on to.

Sometimes, I close my eyes really tight and go to the quiet place in my heart and I feel Chris...I hear his voice assuring me that I can do this...I will get through it...and I'm not alone....and I hear his laughter, feel his hug, and the way my head fit perfectly into his arms.

Sometimes, I doubt myself...I wonder where this road will take me and then, I give it up to God....and I take it one day at a time, not knowing where I'll end up--just that, wherever it is, I'm going to be okay and I'm stronger than I ever gave myself credit.

Sometimes, I hear my own laughter and I see myself smile...and I recognize the person that other people see....and, even in the darkest moments, I still see a light at the end of the tunnel.