the exception

this heart is tired today....just tired. 
i had a pretty overwhelming day.
and i know i'm one of those people who takes on a lot....too much, even.....and i've always believed it'll all even out in the end...but here i am, in the middle, feeling a whole lot of stressed. 

and, on top of it, someone who is important to me and matters made an off the cuff comment that i knew he meant to be funny and it just wasn't in the moment or after. and, quite honestly, it hurt.

so here i am...feeling rather unappreciated, defeated and tired.

i wear my heart on the outside. it's who i am....i am so transparent and open with my feelings and where i'm at in the moment that i forget not everyone is capable of being the same. i love to share human experiences with people. i love to build and make connections. i love for them to be nourished and deep. and i love, even more, for them to be a true representation of who i am.....because i refuse to make any kind of human connection that doesn't have substance or make me better. i spent a lot of time learning about what i want out of people and life and i refuse to surround myself with anything less than awesome because i know what i bring to the table. 

and, as with many things in life, i know that timing is everything. that comment may have been better received at a different moment or not after i had explained how overwhelmed i was feeling. mostly because i feel like, if anything, i try SO hard all of the time. 

but we're human.

and people forget that. even me.....

so, in an attempt to remember, i'm trying to let it go. because no one likes an over sensitive crazy and i'm feeling like i took it too much to heart.

sigh.

when who you are is not what people are used to, it's hard to find a balance. 

i'm learning that people like me are a rarity. people don't love as hard or invest as much as i do....and that makes me sad for a lot of reasons. mostly because i feel like people's hearts have hardened....how does someone become so guarded? i wish i knew....only because it sure would make things easier for me....but i guess that's why we're all different and it isn't about me. 

there have to be people with their hearts on the outside to even out people with their hearts buried on the inside, otherwise we'd all be the same and i like being a rarity most days. most days, i'm proud of the way i allow my heart to lead my life.

so, i believe today was just an exception.

only an exception.

and tomorrow has to be better.

good night, friends.