oh my heart. what a day it's been....not the greatest to say the least, but it's over now and for that, i am beyond grateful. I think everything that could have hit me today did and I'm, well, exhausted and have so much to spill that I feel like I might be here all night.
i am reminding myself to just breathe and that tomorrow will be better. that's about all you can do in the moment, i think. pray that you just get through the minutes and hope for a better day tomorrow. all week we've been short staffed at work so i've been picking up the slack where i can and i found myself nearing the bottom of the tank this afternoon when a patient asked if i had any children. i responded, "not yet" and he said, "why? is something wrong with you? most women your age have children by now" which is absolutely true.
but i wasn't going to lay it all on him. i wasn't going to tell him that my five year plan was shattered and 2.5 kids and the hypoallergenic dog were definitely in the plan by now. instead, i smiled and quickly ushered him back to a room before i could let the tears in my eyes fall. because, well, that's what you do. you suck it up and cry about it later....when you have the time. i comforted myself with the idea that i have plenty of time yet and that God isn't finished with me yet but if we're being really honest here, it hit me pretty hard.
all day i was scheduling people 4 weeks out.......april 12......and that, my friends, is explanation enough.
then, my evening just took a turn when i realized a thing or three about people i care about.
it's true what they say when they tell you that some days you should have stayed in bed.
but i didn't. i got up, i went to work. i lived my life and here i am...processing and editing and trying to find some kind of distraction. if i'm being honest, today was not my favorite. in fact, i can think of a lot of other better days but i can think of a handful of much worse. i'm hanging on to that tonight.
aside from the obvious, i'm just kind of here today....while i am tired, i am not exhausted and I know I will need to be exhausted to fall asleep tonight. it's just been one of those days. they come every so often....when you know it hasn't been your worst day but man, it's not even close to the mediocre ones. i know everyone has them and i am not immune but one can dream i guess.
and, to top it off.....my signs that i had sworn off nearly a week ago--they're worse, like twice as bad. i've been FLOOOOOOOODED with them this week. bombarded. smacked in the face. all at the strangest times and when i'm least expecting it (not like i ever am) but yesterday's took my breath away and i'm fairly certain i'm still recovering.
so, there you have it....no hypoallergenic dog, hard days, you find out who your friends are, and EVEN MORE SIGNS.
i do believe that is enough to send anyone into a bottle of wine and a bout of confusion but, for the most part, i'm still treading water and floating and, for tonight, i'll take it.
No comments :
Post a Comment