.ordinary days.

so, i'm sitting here at starbucks and i'm supposed to be working buttttt.....there's free wi-fi so instead i'm perusing the internet, completely distracted, and wondering how long before i finish editing this session. some days, i'm not so great at this whole working for yourself thing. 

I just had coffee with a friend and convinced myself that if i went home, i wouldn't get anything done. funny, not sure i'm getting anything done right here, either. 

i feel like my heart is restless lately....but i'm content and happy, mostly. my wedding anniversary is in just a few weeks and i am feeling the "funk" come on sooner than it has before. but, in the same breath, my life is the best it's ever been since the bottom dropped out. i am the most open and loving toward myself than i've been in a very long time and i am, mostly, content. sure, i am feeling the effects of photographing babies every five minutes but aside from that, i am good. i have a beautiful life. i am so blessed. i know all of this....the thing is, i still want more. my dreams keep getting bigger. i keep striving for the best. i really have no idea how else to do it. 

but i'm learning. less is more sometimes. balance is key. i am enjoying a lighter workload and making time for myself. i'm even looking at vacations for late summer/early fall. europe. somewhere. maybe london. maybe ireland again. i'm not entirely sure...just that my heart misses the european air and i'm ready to take the 12382937493274 hour plane ride back to bliss. i left a piece of my heart in ireland and i feel like going back to visit it again. 

i have the most flooded feeling of contentment today. nothing special happened but, then again, nothing bad happened either and that's a victory for sure. sometimes, the ebb and flow is enough. sometimes, it's perfect. days like today remind me that i'm alive and really living. 

i know moments count. i know it more than a lot of other people and i feel like i might finally be MAKING them count. no more motions, no more fear, just unbridled courage. gosh.....it's been a while since i've found that part of myself. she's been missing for a long time but here she is, right in front of me and i think i finally put all my pieces back together--at least, the foundational ones....and then there are some new ones that have taken shape. either way, i'm glad i took the time to free my heart and find this woman who seemed to escape me for a while. i'm glad i was brave enough to want to know her again and not too scared to push her away for what is easy. 

i'm taking advantage of days like today. ordinary good days. and, now, for real this time, i'm going to get to work.