That was what I would have told you before I started Random Acts of Kindness for Lent....I now realize just how much I have had to learn. I've spent the last couple of weeks since Ash Wednesday filling my mailbox with brownies for my mailman, paying for the person behind me in the drive-thru line, sending flowers to random people-some of which I don't even know, sending cards to random people in the phone book, bringing goodies to the fire station, leaving post it's in the bathrooms of NYC with positive affirmations, and even giving away photo sessions....all of these things have filled my heart in so many different ways but Saturday, I got to witness the actual gift in the giving and it has changed the way I viewed this challenge midstream...in a way that I had never dreamed.
I always strive to be the photographer who would be known, not just for the images, but for who I am when we're together--that, for a brief moment I am a part of your life and I see you just as you are....sure I move your arms here and your feet there, but I see you as entirely good--I know nothing else about you and have no preconceived notions...and it shows in every frame I take. I laugh with you-either you love me or you hate me and, regardless, I am better for each session. I have always wanted to be more than just a girl who photographs people--I want to the person you recommend to your friends because she loved your kids through the tantrum or the faces or the inability to cooperate...I wanted to be seen, too.
Saturday morning I woke up early, grabbed some cereal and began to look outside at the snow...my neighbor's snow blower broke so he came to borrow mine--at first, I was clear that it alone was my random act of kindness for the day...then I realized I would have done that anyway. I wanted to make today extra special. I had families and people waiting all year for snow photos and here was my rare chance to capture six heavy inches before it melted. The idea popped into my head and quickly I shooed it away thinking no one would actually participate or I could go get a pedicure during that time instead...then, I remembered something my mom always told me, "If your heart feels it, you can't deny it-just go for it" The result of my heart that day were breathtaking.
I stood in the middle of the snow as people were waiting under a pavilion, building snowmen, meeting new friends, playing with everyone's kids, having snow ball fights, and living in the moments...or, as I often think of it-chasing the daylight. I met each new face with an open heart and got more out of that hour and a half than I have in a very long time. While it has been truly wonderful not to have witnessed the receivers of all of those other acts of kindness and just to know I've given of my own heart and will, there was something so beautiful to see a group of strangers bond over snowmen, snow pants, and high heeled boots trekking through the snow. To watch each of them wait patiently and love each other's children...such a sight...and I have favorite moments of each of their sessions...like the hats those sweet Knapp boys wore....and the fact that I could not remember who was Logan or Mason....sweet Izzy who somehow plopped herself in the snow and couldn't quite manage to move properly...two sets of twins....Sydney's fierce faces.....Jordan's intense and moving love for his mother...mowhawk hats and three C's....a sweet pixie in the white snow....two boys loving on their mama and their dog....and a mom who let her son be a little boy and eat whatever snow he wanted.
Anyway, I left that Saturday afternoon knowing those people had impacted my heart. I thought, that morning, that I didn't NEED to go beyond allowing Mr. Wilson to use my snow blower but it turns out I did NEED that. Giving always makes me feel so good and I've not spent enough time doing it and to bear witness to the impression it can leave on another soul is the whole reason I do what I do. I need to make these random acts of kindness a part of my very soul--more than just the nice things I do for people--I should never go days without being kind or helping another.
Those sessions were not earth shattering....in fact, they likely will not change anyone's life but they changed mine....made me realize and so thankful to have been raised by such giving and amazing parents who always gave to my brother and I before themselves and still do...every day. I am learning that being kind is so different from being nice....take some today, pay it forward....I can promise you that it will bring you more joy than you had ever imagined.....And, finally, to those very families who showed up on Saturday--thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, for bringing a piece of myself back that had missing....thank you....
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